(I took the risk of not literally answering the journal entry. This experience I'm about to share is something I'm still experiencing at present. I took the initiative to not give out names to avoid any problems in the future. I assure you that all words came out from real experiences. I am very sorry if ever I might offend anyone who's about to read this. Lastly, I hope you readers out there enjoy... )
Bullied Innocence
I enjoyed my educational tour, except during that time when my “enemy” who became my friend during the school year became my enemy once again. Just because of a simple misunderstanding, she chose to throw away all the trials and problems our friendship experienced. I remember that day clearly. It was the 4th day of our educational tour in Manila. That day, we were scheduled for a tour in Corregidor. Due to a need for a boat ride, we were asked to be ready by 6:00 am. The girl who used to be my enemy was late and she was so close to being left by our bus. Good thing though, she arrived just at the right moment.
On our way to Corregidor, I was hanging out with my friends somewhere at the back of the boat. Out of nowhere, she approached me, pushed me to get my attention, and said, “Hey, was it true (na) you said you wanted the bus to leave me?” Of course, I was completely shocked. I explained to her but all I got was more accusations. At that point on, I knew I was dead, and our friendship? Our friendship had built its own grave. She wasn’t satisfied with just confronting and embarrassing me in front of our friends. She wanted to destroy me.
The whole day, she told all my batch mates the fake story. Not surprisingly, most of them believed her since she was the “popular Ms. Soccer girl” while in the meantime, I was the “loser Ms. Honor’s class girl”. That day, I felt like everyone was giving me mean, monstrous stares, and although I’m exaggerating, I know you all get the point. She didn’t stop there. All day long, she kept on talking about me and insulting me. What’s worse was that she made sure everyone heard it… including me.
The insults that hurt me the most are the ones I still remember up to this very point. One would be that time I walked with some friends. When I passed by her, she suddenly blurted out, “Look at her fats. They look huge.” Then one of her minions added, “They’re so solid. It’ll take a volcano to melt all that.” Another would be when our bus was slowly going uphill. “I know why we’re moving slow. It’s ‘cause someone here’s so heavy.” was what she said in a very loud voice. Luckily, someone got annoyed and shouted “stop (na beh)!” Still, her words have already done such a huge damage to me.
I wanted to punch her face, pull her mouth, and kick her head, but I didn’t. I knew that violence is never a solution to any problem. Instead, I just lay low and pretended she didn’t exist. It wasn’t easy, but I got through it. That day triggered my insecurities and my dreams of becoming thin like everyone else around me. That was also how my edtour got destroyed.
Hi. My name’s Francesca G. Fernandez. I’m a B.A. Psychology major, currently studying in UP Cebu. I’m 17 years old. Oh, and I’m fat. Being a part of the overweight/ obese category was never an easy task for any teenage girl like me. At modern times, we get insulted, harassed, bullied, and teased. Our enemies always include our weight in conversations about us. Whenever we pass by, people look at us with disgusted faces. All that wouldn’t matter if we only accepted ourselves and if someone’s always there for us. Unfortunately, society taught us to be ashamed of our appearances and as for my case, even my own mother insults me. Our lives aren’t that easy. Instead of helping us ease our love for food, people would rather make fun of us (with the exception of a very few people). That’s basically the reason why we all want to be like you, thin people; we want to fit in.
I understand where you are coming from... I was "really fat" majority of my high school days, so I have a soft spot for people with this issue or any self-esteem issue. The fact that you address this is one way to deal with the problem.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I surrounded myself with, well, equally "fat" people or people who were fine with being friends with "fat" people. But outside that crowd, I always felt a need for some form of reassurance whether being like this was okay. I never found an answer. What I am trying to say here is that, the answers aren't out there, it is within you. You have to deal with this first. Do you accept yourself? Because whether you are thin, fat or whatever, if you can't accept what your are, people like your frenemy will always affect you. What mass media puts out there will always affect you.